Montessori Parenting: What to say instead of "Say sorry"
Feb 22, 2022 - Montessori , Parenting - By Carine Robin
Do you find yourself asking your child to say "Sorry" if they have done something wrong, such as hurting another child or break something?
It's easy for a child to parrot "sorry" when you ask them. They learn that if they say it, they are out of trouble. They can go back to playing happily.
But is it meaningful?
Very young children have a limited understand of other people emotions. They don't express empathy in the same as we do. They live in an egocentric way, focusing on their own needs.
They say "sorry" because they are asked to. But this doesn't help the injured child or fix the broken toy. That doesn't help your child to understand what they did wrong.
So what else can you do?
Try the following step by step approach.
Step 1: State what happened and be specific and factual:
"You hit his hand with your train you while you were playing together."
Step 2: Describe what you see and explain the impact of their action:
"Look, she is crying. There is a scratch on her hand. It must be painful."
Step 3: Modeil empathy and focus on the child who was hurt: "Are you OK? Do you want me to give you a cuddle?"
(maybe check their hand, give them a kiss, apply a plaster, ...)
Step 4: Encourage the child to take action with you.
Maybe, ask them to bring you the wipes or to give the other child a cuddle to feel better.
Step 5: Young toddlers will learn by observing you making sincer amends for their behaviours.
You can say to the hurt child:
"I'm sorry X hurt you when he hit you with the toy. I will keep an eye when you are playing togeter and make sure I'm close by to help you both so no one gets hurt."
Step 6: As your child grows and talks more, encourage them to make sincere amends when they hurt someone or break something.
This is the last step and all the previous steps are more important.
I hope this approach will be useful for your family.
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About the Author: Carine Robin is a qualified and experienced Montessori teacher and founder of The Montessori Family. With over 15 years of experience, Carine offers a blend of professional insight and personal understanding as a mother of two and qualified child psychologist. Inspired by the success of her Montessori subscription box, she created The Montessori Family to provide a comprehensive resource for parents and teachers globally. This platform aims to support child growth and well-being through curated educational activities. Additionally, Carine maintains the UK's most popular Montessori blog and administers the largest Montessori UK Facebook group, making her a central figure in the Montessori community.
